Hopeless Deadbeat

I am unemployed. I am unemployed for almost a year. Fresh off the high of a successful grad degree and a pretty amazing trip to India I am ready to face the job market. Boy does the job market want to wipe that smug smirk of my face and punch it instead. Interviews suck. Looking for jobs sucks. The absolute humiliation of spending the whole day in your pajamas, eating chips, watching every event of the Vancouver Olympics and crying every time Canada wins a medal is hard to explain. It’s almost as difficult as explaining the horrifying feeling after 2 weeks of not having the Olympics as an excuse for doing absolutely nothing. Being unemployed sucks. It is especially bad when you’re right out of school and used to constantly being on the go. It’s also bad when you’re living at home sucking all the energy out of your family’s house with your “I’m a hopeless deadbeat” vibes. Your grandma is making you lunch like you’re a 10 year old, your mom is worried about you, your dad thinks you’re not trying hard enough and all you want to do is sleep and watch every single episode of every television show there ever was on DVD. It’s a hopeless situation.
I deal with it quite well at the beginning. When you’ve been in school for over 20 years all you want to do is not think about doing another day’s work again. The pain of absolute nothingness becomes crippling after about four months when I decide actively looking for a job is a good idea and it’s when I encounter the joys of interviews.
The stress of not getting jobs weighs on me. Each one seems so perfect for me and would have provided me with exactly the right kind of experience to further my career. I am so saddened every time I find out I don't get a job that it takes at least a week to get over the disappointment. I only realize later that all missed job opportunities feel like exceptional failures and for someone who's not used to failing it's a pretty sad fact.

Delusions of Grandeur

I was never a sickly child. The worst thing I remember having was bronchitis and even that was never that bad. Recently, mid-twenties, I’m totally riddled with illness. But weird stuff. Not your typical stuff. So I thought at least. It is funny how people don’t talk about things until someone is affected by it. Once you break the ice about your embarrassing stories, illnesses, problems, everyone else has one to share. It’s nice and also annoying. I have yet to experience anything worse than the complete and utter depression of being so totally knocked out that I, now, 9 months later have yet to continue my life as usual. Sickness and unemployment are so bone-numbingly depressing it is difficult not to express your frustration in some way. I choose to write about them. I know what you’re thinking…First world problems and other people have it so much worse. And you’re right, people do have it so much worse than I do but I don’t think it makes my experiences any less relevant. All of our experiences, no matter how petty or seemingly silly in the grand scheme of things, matter. In the next few days/weeks I'll be posting some of mine.

Modern Myths

On my quest to become a legitimate writer I'm doing some freelance work for other blogs! This particular freelance job has to do with video games and going to the Montreal Game Summit and writing about the talks I attended.


Here's one about the blockbuster video game

Blockbuster Video Games= Modern Mythology?

As a first-timer at the Montreal International Game Summit and a novice at gaming I went through a quite tremendous experience. Not only was it entertaining and informative but it opened my eyes up to different ways of thinking. As an avid pop culture consumer, I feel as though maybe I’ve been missing out a bit. Gaming is a huge part of popular culture, of course, but I find it a very expensive and constricting hobby that can also immerse you into things that are completely unknown and that you will probably never experience. In Raphael Von Lierop’s talk about the blockbuster game he goes to great lengths to advocate saving the blockbuster game. One of his main arguments was that blockbuster games are like modern mythology. While there is some truth to that I found that a very grandstanding statement. Sure, games, movies, television shows and books are a reflection of our culture and thus can be considered modern mythology to a certain extent but how can you qualify blockbusters to be common cultural compass point and thus a modern mythology of our time?

Blockbuster games

I don’t want to dump on something so important to so many people but I don’t understand the classification of modern mythology. According to Van Lierop a blockbuster game is one of those “triple A games” like Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty and Halo. Most of these games have a main character that is a criminal and are first-person shooter. I’m in no way advocating that all of our modern myths be PG but I find this ridiculous. Sure, we do put a lot of value in violence and the glorious accuracy of said violence in our popular culture, so perhaps it is wise to classify big budget high production value killing spree video games to be a “common cultural compass”. However, Van Lierop also mentions that “blockbuster games [are like myths because they connect] us to something vitally important to our existence as human beings”. Say what? Do we as individual humans have an innate need to kill people for no good reason? Do we as individual human beings have a need to steal cars and fight zombies? Yes, we perhaps have a need to do so in a video game sequence because the option is there but are these things vitally important to our human existence? Maybe. But I say no.

OMG Darth Vader!

How can we define our mythology as a story where the main purpose is to kill everything in sight? How can we be okay with saying that it is part of our modern cultural framework? In his talk Van Lierop likens his astonishment at a Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 level where killing civilians is allowed but not necessarily encouraged to a young boy’s shock at finding out Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father. Being enthralled surprised and shocked at that level does not a modern mythology make. The reason you are in awe about Darth Vader being Luke Skywalker’s father is because you realize that there must be an incredible story (if only!) behind it and that story of adventure, love, jealousy, bravery, sacrifice and emotion is the myth. I am in no way advocating that video games do not possess that kind of emotion or relevancy, many do. However the blockbuster, high budget, triple A , high production values games that Van Lierop mentions do not seem to fit the bill. They are not stories we will tell to our children, they are not stories that will carry on throughout the ages. They are stories that we may have lived through in a virtual reality and that is wonderful and exciting. But it is not mythical.

Furthermore, learning about how much money is spent on producing blockbuster games is staggering. Suddenly I understand the extreme prices of the games out there. And I totally agree with Van Lierop, a middle ground needs to be established. His solution to the problem of blockbuster games is to provide mid-level games. This game would provide 3-4 hours of gameplay, a smaller budget without compromising that big budget blockbuster feel; it would be a shorter and more compartmentalized experience at a cheaper price. This is very cool and provides the groundwork for some much needed experimentation in the world of blockbuster games.

I love video games and I love blockbuster video games and I do think their stories are entertaining, well thought out, culturally relevant and create a certain mythology within their world. Nevertheless I do not believe blockbusters can be a common cultural compass for us as a culture.  A myth is a story you tell your kids and have your kids tell theirs. I don’t see myself sitting down my children and telling them the story of when I robbed cars and killed Nazis in a virtual reality. However, exploring different types of stories is a good place for the blockbuster to go and is one of Van LIerop’s suggestions. It’s a huge gamble though because of the stagnation in the industry. There is a problem when the new exciting blockbuster games are all sequels (ie. Sure bets). How well will new types of game play and experiences do in the market?

As a twenty-something woman living in the western world, I have yet to find a blockbuster game that I totally get and love. I don’t find blockbuster games to be an expression of shared values. My values are not reflected in most of the really lucrative and successful games out there. So, to me, they do not provide a common cultural compass point. Furthermore, I don’t know the statistics but what percentage of people are gamers? And how many of those people are men (sorry ladies but it’s true) and how many of these games are made primarily by men and for men? As a woman I don’t need a game to be about Barbies and fashion but I do need something that reflects my culture. And there are games out there that do that, definitely. Those games are probably not the blockbusters.

As Van Lierop mentions, experimentation is key to saving the blockbuster. Mythology is about so much more than the blockbuster games mentioned in the talk. I believe games can reflect all of the intricacies of a true modern mythology but we have to open a bit more our minds and let them.


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